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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533102">Misery Business</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queerbutstillhere/pseuds/Queerbutstillhere'>Queerbutstillhere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Green Arrow (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Connor Hawke is Green Arrow, Death, Grief/Mourning, Hal Jordan and Kyle Rayner solidarity, I don't know how lanterns work cut me some slack ok, M/M, White Lantern Kyle Rayner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:49:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queerbutstillhere/pseuds/Queerbutstillhere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyle had never seen red faster.</p><p>He had been through so much as a lantern, but despite all that, he didn’t think anything could top this. Nothing could beat the fury and fear and anguish that coursed through his body.</p><p>He couldn’t see straight, he couldn’t think right, and he couldn’t hear anything but the roaring of his own blood.</p><p>Because six feet away from him, bleeding to death, stuck full of his own arrows like a pincushion was Green Arrow, Aka Connor Hawke.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connor Hawke/Kyle Rayner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Misery Business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! I was angsty today so here's this :)</p><p>Also I don't know how lanterns work, so forgive me for that, and Hal and Kyle deserve to be bros, okay?</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kyle had never seen red faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if it wasn’t enough that he had been through all types of personal hell, the fact that he had his hass handed to him by one of his personal heroes(on multiple occasions) had also been a kick in the balls, being Ion, and the process of wielding every ring possible. . . well, let’s just say that from moment one, being a green lantern wasn’t easy. Sure it had its moments. But those moments were far far outweighed by the pain he had felt and suffered through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But despite all those shitty shitty moments he had gone through as a GL, he didn’t think anything could top this. Nothing could beat the fury and fear and anguish that coursed through his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“White Lantern, do you copy!?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Batman’s voice was barking orders in his ears. But he couldn’t hear them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t see straight, he couldn’t think right, and he couldn’t hear anything but the roaring of his own blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because six feet away from him, bleeding to death, stuck full of his own arrows like a pincushion was Green Arrow, Aka Connor Hawke.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh my god-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Green Arrow!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle’s body was moving without thinking and he was grabbing the nearest League of Shadow’s goon in a green vise and started squeezing. Now in case you were wondering, Kyle’s previous experiences with all those aforementioned horrible world ending scenarios gave him the knowledge of how exactly to use his power to the most dangerous degree. He knew exactly how to absolutely destroy someone, or even an army, and suddenly it didn’t mean shit that his ring was low on power. He was fucking Ion, he could do whatever the hell he wanted. He felt the familiar roar of power that came from only the red spectrum, and he just attacked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t recognize at what point the color from his ring had shifted from green to a brighter white, but he was a little busy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had never really lost the white ring. He just tended to channel the green more. People recognized the Green Lantern. They liked the Green Lantern. The White Lantern, however, was a loose canon, he could do whatever the hell he wanted because no one could stop him. There was no power ring that could best him, and that scared people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Kyle was pissed. He was going to destroy every enemy with a hundred yards and he was going to do it without remorse because </span>
  <em>
    <span>they hurt- or even killed - his boyfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His heart was beating fast with adrenaline, his blood was still the only sound in his ears and his vision was coming in flashes of memory. The anger boiling in the pit of his stomach was so strong that it made him feel like throwing up, but he didn’t stop, not for a second. He didn’t stop until he found Hal, Hal who was supposed to be on medical leave but had gotten called in anyway, in his face. Pushing him, yelling at him</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SNAP OUT OF IT,” Hal screamed, and Kyle physically stepped back, blinking once or twice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the wave of exhaustion hit him. He stumbled forwards, and Hal easily caught him, holding him by the elbows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Hey kid. You’re okay. It’s okay. You . . . you got rid of them all,” Hal said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Got rid of them? Got rid of who? Then he looked past Hal, and it took a moment for his brain to catch up with what his eyes were seeing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t look, Kyle,” Hal said, reaching up and turning Kyle’s head away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Kyle gasped out, eyes going wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hal could advert his vision all he wanted, but it didn’t stop him from seeing the image anyway. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There was so much blood</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god. Oh my god,” Kyle babbled out, feeling like he was going to vomit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t even notice that his uniform had turned red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Hal said gently, and he pulled Kyle into a hug, all the while turning them so Kyle couldn’t look anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just- You’re about to pass out, okay? I haven’t seen you use that much energy in . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle wrapped Hal in a yellow rope and then ripped out of his arms, running away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kyle! Fuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle was hyperventilating now, people who knew medicine better than him were swarming around the injured hero, holding bandages to his injuries, trying to figure out how they were going to get him to a transport to save his life. Superman stood to the side, frowning sadly, and Kyle hated that look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, please,” He whimpered, shoving a young woman out of his way as he dropped to his knees beside Connor, reaching out and gently cupping his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connor barely cracked an eye open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey you,” he mumbled softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you fucking dare,” Kyle spat at him, clenching his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connor just gave a half smile and then coughed weakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m too tired anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to be fine,” Kyle snapped, even as he glanced around and knew he wasn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too much blood loss. Too many injuries. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, of course. But-” Connor stopped to cough, blood coming out onto his lips, Kyle reached out to wipe it without thinking. “While I’m busy being fine, can you tell me how bad it is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle took a shaky breath, panic and fear and guilt rushing over him as he bent, pressing his forehead to Connor’s. If he had just been a little faster, a little better, a little smarter-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s bad,” Kyle confessed around a sob.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eight arrows to the gut is rarely good, darling.” More coughing followed these words and he was already sounding </span>
  <em>
    <span>even </span>
  </em>
  <span>weaker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, shut up. You’re not allowed to die on me, Connor. You’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking allowed</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connor was silent for a moment, and then a hand lightly touched Kyle’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey. I love you, you know that right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle shook his head, squeezing his eyes tight against the tears that threatened to spill out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not allowed. Please, Connor I can’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t do this again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t fucking fair. He had just let himself fall in love again, only to lose this person too?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kyle.” His voice was growing weaker by the moment and it had pitched up with a hint of fear. “Kyle, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle took a shuddering breath, letting out another small sob and then pulled away to look at him, tears spilling out from under his mask. He realized Connor was also crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Connor murmured, his hand falling to Kyle’s neck. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like Kyle’s body was being ripped in half, this was so much more painful than anything he’d ever experienced in his lifetime.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Connor, no-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kyle, please!” Connor sounded panicky, scared. He squeezed Kyle’s shoulder with what little strength he had left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” Kyle murmured, leaning in and lightly kissing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connor pressed up into it with everything he had, and then his head dropped back. Kyle pulled away, only to watch Connor release one last shuddering breath, eyes going unfocused as he stared in Kyle’s general direction. Kyle squeezed his eyes closed, gripped the front of Connor’s uniform and just screamed. It was the mix between a scream and a wail, and if you heard it, you would know that could mean only one thing. A man has just lost the one loved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle wasn’t really sure what happened next, just that one minute he was clinging to Connor’s bleeding body, and then the next he was wailing in Hal’s arms, somewhere he didn’t recognize, but looked faintly like an office. Hal was just gently rubbing his back and letting the man cry on his shoulder. And then at some point he just went numb. No more tears were coming, he just stared at the gray wall behind Hal’s head and quietly sniffled, the heavy weight that had settled over him threatening to joke him, and suffocate him for forever. Maybe he’d let it. Then he wouldn’t have to be in a world without Connor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kid?” Hal asked softly, his hand stilling between Kyle’s shoulder blades.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle didn’t respond, just took a breath that caused literally his whole body to shudder. Hal hugged him tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do I do this again?” Kyle asked, voice barely a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The same way you did it the first time,” Hal gently murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle hated that. And he hated that he knew what would come. He would get family leave from both the Justice League and each Lantern corp he occasionally ran missions for. Everyone would handle him with kid gloves, afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing and breaking him or upsetting him. He would wallow in misery for months, because nothing but the empty shell of a person, and then someone, usually another lantern, would come and kick his ass back into shape. He would be expected to heal, to move on, and to get back to business</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But how could you move on when your entire world just shattered?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened. How’d we get here? And where even are we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Private office at the hospital where we took a bunch of the leaguers. I convinced one of the doctors to let us come in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, no. Spooky did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle would have probably laughed then, usually. But nothing was usual and everything was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember . . . “ what did he remember? Going red. He remembered doing that. “Oh god. What did I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing you need to worry about right now,” Hal assured, gently stroking his hair for a moment. “Just worry about you, okay kid? I’m here for you.”</span>
</p><p>Kyle let his chin rest on the older man's shoulder as tears started leaking from his eyes again. He was really gone.</p><p>And Kyle was alone, again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments appreciated!</p><p>Follow me on Tumblr @queerbutstillhere or @queerbutstillhere-writes for posting updates!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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